honkytonkhussy (honkytonkhussy) wrote,

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orphan girl

One day when I'm a lot older, I'm going to think it's funny that I used to fall asleep on subways and miss my stop. My friend Candice hosted a one-man-band festival (in honor of Hazel Atkins) and I worked the door. Tonight I got to be the surly barmaid I always dreamed of being: keeping money in my brassiere and cussing at the patrons. I had a great time. I will say, however, that I don't understand what straight girls are thinking when they flirt with me.

I talked to my dad for the first time in like three weeks tonight. I've been sort of purposely avoiding his calls since he pulled some shady shit on me a couple weeks ago and I am still feeling sort of betrayed. He and Kathy signed their separation papers this weekend and he's moved to Raleigh(like two hours from my hometown). I'm a little upset because he seems to think its okay to ask me not to have a relationship with someone he asked me to accept as my family. Meanwhile, he is serious emotionally unstable and whenever I talk to him he talks serious shit about my mom and sister Lauren and when I talk to Mom she talks shit about him and Lauren--I really feel like whatever semblance of a primary family I imagined having doesn't and won't exist anymore. I feel really sad about my dad living all by himself in Raleigh and also about not knowing about what there is to go home to anymore. I don't mean to be sound melodramatic---I'm just sad is all.

I did talk to Louisa this morning; I really miss my baby. I'm trying to convince my mom to send her up here for a weekend for "Camp Tachoo" (she called me Tachoo before she could say Taylor)--She seems reluctant but I am going to keep on her. I don't think New York would be the same after Louisa and I took it on together.

I have fucking ulcers in my stomach.
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